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April 4, 2011

Onion: Man Wakes Up From Bender With Financial Problems Solved

April 4, 2011

Onion: Man Wakes Up From Bender With Financial Problems Solved

Onion stories are mostly about the headline, but this full piece is a must-read. Super funny. Thanks JW for sending.

EUGENE, OR—Though he has only the haziest memories of what happened between the time he left work Friday evening and woke up late Sunday afternoon, marketing associate Ben Taylor told reporters today that during his 36-hour drinking binge, he somehow managed to sort out his entire financial situation.

“The last thing I remember is getting a second tray of two-for-one mug-a-ritas with the guys from work,” Taylor told reporters. “Next thing I know, I’m coming to on my couch, I’m nauseous, my head’s pounding, and I’m fully vested in a Roth IRA that’s completely deductible and contains a diverse spread of steady dividend-paying stocks with an impressive tax-to-growth ratio.” [READ FULL STORY]